Pick Your Battles

Ella is a really good kid. She has such a loving heart and loves to help others. Once we got to school this morning, she went in and gave the kids hugs. One of her friends was crying and she tried to comfort her. Although I've been stressing about her lately, my eyes have been openned to realize that she isn't a horrible child.

I'm learning to love her strong will. It has the potential to make her very successful. And it will hopefully help her to avoid peer pressure as she grows up.

Through all of my desperate attempts to get her to listen and obey, I've woken up to the realities of parenthood. Kids aren't just robots that we can control to do and say what we wish. They have minds of their own and Ella isn't afraid to speak hers. It's our job to foster a positive environment for our girls to grow into mature adults that will use their talents for good. To love God and His creation. To put others first. To make a difference in this world.

I'm trying to retrain myself as a parent. The timeouts, spankings and taking away favorite toys aren't quite cutting it. Thinking about what else we can do to discipline her was driving me crazy. I've been allowing these last few weeks to eat me up. I've been stressed beyond imagination. I've cried almost every day and have been begging and searching for an answer.

I'm very optimistic that positive reinforcement is the key.

It worked with potty training and even as a baby we would clap and get so excited over the littlest things. When did we stop encouraging her this way? I have no idea. If we can catch her doing good things (which she does quite often) and make a big deal and reward her for those actions, then I'm hopeful we'll see a decline in the unwanted behavior.

She has even gotten to the point where she doesn't want to go to school. This morning she didn't want to get dressed because she told me she didn't want to go. When we got there, she held on to me and wouldn't let me go. She even whispered in my ear that she didnt't want to be there. School has always been a fun place for her to learn and grow. It breaks me heart. She loves her teachers, but I think that she just looks at school as a negative place. I'm hopeful that by allowing the positive interactions to outweigh the negative interactions, this will change her outlook.

I read an article yesterday that was just what I needed. My favorite quote about strong willed kids said, "Such kids just wear you out," says Faull. "You love them, but they're the future CEOs: They have very clear ideas about how things should be..."

Learning to pick my battles may be a good step in the right direction. I don't want our household to be a dictatorship. I pray that our girls will grow up and know that we value their opinions.

On my to-do list..... making shirts for Ella that say "pick your battles."

That should help remind me, right?